.
Just came across this brilliant exercise suggested for the over 30's to build muscle strength in the arms and shoulders. Do read to the end for the full program.
It seems so easy so I thought that I'd pass it on to some of my friends and family. The article suggested doing it three days a week.
1. Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side. With a 2kg potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, then relax.
2. Each day, you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer. After a couple of weeks, move up to 5kg potato bag. Then 25kg potato bag and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a 50kg potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. (I'm at this level).
3. After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each of the bags.
.
Thursday 26 April 2007
Wednesday 25 April 2007
How To Reduce Stress
1. Picture yourself near a stream.
2. Birds are softly chirping in the cool mountain air.
3. No one but you knows your secret place.
4. You are in total seclusion from the hectic place called "the world"!
5. The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.
6. The water is crystal clear.
7. You can easily make out the face of the person you're holding under the water.
Don't you feel less stressful now?
1. Picture yourself near a stream.
2. Birds are softly chirping in the cool mountain air.
3. No one but you knows your secret place.
4. You are in total seclusion from the hectic place called "the world"!
5. The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.
6. The water is crystal clear.
7. You can easily make out the face of the person you're holding under the water.
Don't you feel less stressful now?
Subject: Alcohol Warnings
THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
* Indubitably * Preliminary * Proliferation
THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
* Specificity * Antidisestablishmentarianism * Loquacious * Transubstantiate
THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
* Thanks, but I don't want to have sex * Nope, no more booze for me * Sorry, but you're not really my type * Oh, no, I just couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing
NEW Alcohol Warnings:
Due to increasing products liability litigation, American liquor manufacturers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all varieties of alcohol containers:
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties.
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting.
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns. On the forehead, knees and lower back.
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
WARNING:
The crumsumpten of alcahol may mack you tink you can tipe reel gude.
THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
* Indubitably * Preliminary * Proliferation
THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
* Specificity * Antidisestablishmentarianism * Loquacious * Transubstantiate
THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
* Thanks, but I don't want to have sex * Nope, no more booze for me * Sorry, but you're not really my type * Oh, no, I just couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing
NEW Alcohol Warnings:
Due to increasing products liability litigation, American liquor manufacturers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all varieties of alcohol containers:
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties.
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting.
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns. On the forehead, knees and lower back.
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
WARNING:
The crumsumpten of alcahol may mack you tink you can tipe reel gude.
For those of you who watch what you eat...
Here's the Final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting medical studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Aussies, British or Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Aussies, British or Americans.
3. The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Aussies, British or Americans.
4. The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Aussies, British or Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Aussies, British or Americans.
CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is what kills you.
Here's the Final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting medical studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Aussies, British or Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Aussies, British or Americans.
3. The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Aussies, British or Americans.
4. The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Aussies, British or Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Aussies, British or Americans.
CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is what kills you.
At 85 years of age, Morris marries LouAnne, a lovely 25-year-old. Because her new husband is so old, LouAnne decides that on their wedding night, she and Morris are to have separate bedrooms. The newlywed is concerned that her new husband may overexert himself if they spend the entire night together.
After the wedding festivities, LouAnne prepares herself for bed, and for the expected "knock" on the door. Sure enough, the knock comes, the door opens, and there is her 85-year-old groom, ready for action. They unite as one. All goes well, whereupon Morris takes leave of LouAnne, and she prepares to go to sleep.
After a few minutes, LouAnne hears another knock on her bedroom door. It's Morris! And he's again ready for more action! Somewhat surprised, LouAnne consents to further coupling. When the newlyweds are done, Morris kisses LouAnne, bids her a fond good night, and leaves.
LouAnne is set to go to sleep again. However, after a few short minutes, there is another knock at her door, and there he is again. Morris, as fresh as a 25-year-old and ready for a bit more action. And again they enjoy one another.
As Morris is once again set to leave, the young bride says to him, "I am thoroughly impressed, Honey, I've been with guys less than a third your age who were only good once! You're a great lover, Morris."
Morris, somewhat embarrassed, turns to LouAnne and says, "You mean I was here already?"
After the wedding festivities, LouAnne prepares herself for bed, and for the expected "knock" on the door. Sure enough, the knock comes, the door opens, and there is her 85-year-old groom, ready for action. They unite as one. All goes well, whereupon Morris takes leave of LouAnne, and she prepares to go to sleep.
After a few minutes, LouAnne hears another knock on her bedroom door. It's Morris! And he's again ready for more action! Somewhat surprised, LouAnne consents to further coupling. When the newlyweds are done, Morris kisses LouAnne, bids her a fond good night, and leaves.
LouAnne is set to go to sleep again. However, after a few short minutes, there is another knock at her door, and there he is again. Morris, as fresh as a 25-year-old and ready for a bit more action. And again they enjoy one another.
As Morris is once again set to leave, the young bride says to him, "I am thoroughly impressed, Honey, I've been with guys less than a third your age who were only good once! You're a great lover, Morris."
Morris, somewhat embarrassed, turns to LouAnne and says, "You mean I was here already?"
John & Marsha decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their 8 year old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities.
He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation."There's a car being towed from the parking lot" he shouted.
A few moments passed "An ambulance just drove by"
A few moments passed. "Looks like the Andersons have company" he called out.
"Matt's riding a new bike"
"The Coopers are having sex!!"
Startled, Mother and Dad shot up in bed.
Dad cautiously asked "How do you know they are having sex?"
"Jimmy Cooper is standing out on his balcony too."
He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation."There's a car being towed from the parking lot" he shouted.
A few moments passed "An ambulance just drove by"
A few moments passed. "Looks like the Andersons have company" he called out.
"Matt's riding a new bike"
"The Coopers are having sex!!"
Startled, Mother and Dad shot up in bed.
Dad cautiously asked "How do you know they are having sex?"
"Jimmy Cooper is standing out on his balcony too."
((((RING)))) (((RING)))
"Hello?"
"Hi honey, this is Daddy, Is Mommy near the phone?"
"No Daddy, She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Frank."
After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Frank."
"Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now"
Brief Pause...
"Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door, and shout to Mommy that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway."
"Okay Daddy, just a minute."
A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone.
"I did it Daddy."
"And what happened honey?" he asked.
"Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn't moving at all!"
"Oh my Goodness!!! What about your Uncle Frank?"
"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on too. He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to clean it. His head hit the bottom of the pool and he is not moving at all."
***Long Pause***
***Longer Pause***
Then Daddy says, "Swimming pool??? .....Is this 555-7039??"
"Hello?"
"Hi honey, this is Daddy, Is Mommy near the phone?"
"No Daddy, She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Frank."
After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Frank."
"Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now"
Brief Pause...
"Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door, and shout to Mommy that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway."
"Okay Daddy, just a minute."
A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone.
"I did it Daddy."
"And what happened honey?" he asked.
"Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn't moving at all!"
"Oh my Goodness!!! What about your Uncle Frank?"
"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on too. He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to clean it. His head hit the bottom of the pool and he is not moving at all."
***Long Pause***
***Longer Pause***
Then Daddy says, "Swimming pool??? .....Is this 555-7039??"
All my life, I thought I had a handle on the meaning of the word "service."
"The act of doing things for other people."
Then I heard the terms:
Internal Revenue Service
Postal Service
Telephone Service
Civil Service
Selective Service
City/County Public Service
Customer Service
Service Stations
I became confused about the word "service." This is not what I thought "service" meant.
Then today, I overheard two farmers talking and one of them mentioned that he was having a bull over to "service" a few of his cows.
SHAZAM! It suddenly all came into clear perspective.Now I understand what all those "service" agencies are doing to us.
"The act of doing things for other people."
Then I heard the terms:
Internal Revenue Service
Postal Service
Telephone Service
Civil Service
Selective Service
City/County Public Service
Customer Service
Service Stations
I became confused about the word "service." This is not what I thought "service" meant.
Then today, I overheard two farmers talking and one of them mentioned that he was having a bull over to "service" a few of his cows.
SHAZAM! It suddenly all came into clear perspective.Now I understand what all those "service" agencies are doing to us.
Steven Wright ...
1- Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.
2- Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.
3- Half the people you know are below average.
4- 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5- 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
6- A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feels so good.
7- A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
8- If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.
9- All those who believe in psycho-kinesis, raise my hand.
10- The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
11- I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
12- OK, so what's the speed of dark?
13- How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
14- If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
15- Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
16- When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
17- Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to avoid work.
18- Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.
19- I intend to live forever -- so far, so good.
20- If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
21- Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
22- What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
23- My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
24- Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
25- If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
26- A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
27- Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
28- The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
29- To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
30- The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
31- The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
32- The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
1- Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.
2- Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.
3- Half the people you know are below average.
4- 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5- 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
6- A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feels so good.
7- A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
8- If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.
9- All those who believe in psycho-kinesis, raise my hand.
10- The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
11- I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
12- OK, so what's the speed of dark?
13- How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
14- If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
15- Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
16- When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
17- Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to avoid work.
18- Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.
19- I intend to live forever -- so far, so good.
20- If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
21- Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
22- What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
23- My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
24- Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
25- If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
26- A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
27- Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
28- The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
29- To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
30- The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
31- The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
32- The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
Peter Kay's Universal Truths ...
Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.
At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.
One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when yourpint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.
You're never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps.
Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator.
Reading when you're drunk is horrible.
Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.
You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden.
Nobody ever dares to make Cup-a-Soup in a bowl.
You never know where to look when eating a banana.
It's impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.
Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.
Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.
You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.
Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.
The most embarrassing thing you can do as a schoolchild is to call your teacher Mum or Dad.
The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity.
Some days you see lots of people on crutches.
Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee, flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.
Old women with mobile phones look wrong.
Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.
Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.
You never ever run out of salt.
Old ladies can eat more than you think.
You can't respect a man who carries a dog.
There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got your hand or head stuck in something.
No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.
Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan.
The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug.
People who don't drive slam car doors too hard.
You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint with.
Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.
Bricks are horrible to carry.
In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.
At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.
One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when yourpint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.
You're never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps.
Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator.
Reading when you're drunk is horrible.
Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.
You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden.
Nobody ever dares to make Cup-a-Soup in a bowl.
You never know where to look when eating a banana.
It's impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.
Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.
Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.
You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.
Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.
The most embarrassing thing you can do as a schoolchild is to call your teacher Mum or Dad.
The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity.
Some days you see lots of people on crutches.
Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee, flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.
Old women with mobile phones look wrong.
Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.
Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.
You never ever run out of salt.
Old ladies can eat more than you think.
You can't respect a man who carries a dog.
There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got your hand or head stuck in something.
No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.
Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan.
The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug.
People who don't drive slam car doors too hard.
You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint with.
Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.
Bricks are horrible to carry.
In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206.
Speedbird 206: " Frankfurt , Speedbird 206 clear of active runway."
Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."
The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."
Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark, -- and I didn't land."
Speedbird 206: " Frankfurt , Speedbird 206 clear of active runway."
Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."
The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."
Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark, -- and I didn't land."
While taxiing at London 's Gatwick Airport, the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming: "US Air 2771, where the hell are you going?! I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it right!"
Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically: "*** ! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US A! ir 2771?"
"Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded.
Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high.
Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking: "Wasn't I married to you once?" ***
Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically: "*** ! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US A! ir 2771?"
"Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded.
Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high.
Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking: "Wasn't I married to you once?" ***
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