Subject: Alcohol Warnings
THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
* Indubitably * Preliminary * Proliferation
THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
* Specificity * Antidisestablishmentarianism * Loquacious * Transubstantiate
THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
* Thanks, but I don't want to have sex * Nope, no more booze for me * Sorry, but you're not really my type * Oh, no, I just couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing
NEW Alcohol Warnings:
Due to increasing products liability litigation, American liquor manufacturers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all varieties of alcohol containers:
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties.
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting.
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns. On the forehead, knees and lower back.
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
WARNING:
The crumsumpten of alcahol may mack you tink you can tipe reel gude.