A man is in a queue at Tescos and sees this busty blonde staring at him. He can't believe she is staring at him, then she starts waving.
'Excuse me do I know you?' he asks.
'Yes. I think you are the father of one of my kids' she says.
The man thinks back and remembers his one act of infidelity and says, 'F#cking hell ,are you the bird I sh#gged on my stag do, whilst your mate whipped me and your other mate stuck a brush up my ar#e?'
'No,' she replies 'I'm your son's English teacher!'

(LOL! It took me ages to work this one out. I'm getting too old.)

A father, passing by his son's bedroom, was astonished to see the bedwas nicely made, and everything was picked up from the floor.Then, he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the pillow. 'Dear,Dad," the letter said. "It is with great regret and sorrow that I'mwriting to you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wantedto avoid a scene. I've been finding real passion with Stacy, and she isso nice, but I knew you would not approve of her, because of all herpiercings, tattoos, her tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she is somuch older than I am. But it's not only the passion, Dad. She'spregnant. Stacy says that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer inthe woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share adream of having many more children. Stacy has opened my eyes to the factthat marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it forourselves and trading it with the other people in the commune for allthe cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray thatscience will find a cure for AIDS, so Stacy can get better.
Don't worry Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself. Someday,I'm sure we'll be back to visit, so you can get to know your manygrandchildren.
Love, your son,
Joshua
P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Jason's house. I justwanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the schoolreport that's on the kitchen table.

Boy Aged 9 Breaks Record For Spoons-On-Face

Thus proving once and for all that boys are cleverer than girls.