A man is in a queue at Tescos and sees this busty blonde staring at him. He can't believe she is staring at him, then she starts waving.
'Excuse me do I know you?' he asks.
'Yes. I think you are the father of one of my kids' she says.
The man thinks back and remembers his one act of infidelity and says, 'F#cking hell ,are you the bird I sh#gged on my stag do, whilst your mate whipped me and your other mate stuck a brush up my ar#e?'
'No,' she replies 'I'm your son's English teacher!'

(LOL! It took me ages to work this one out. I'm getting too old.)

A father, passing by his son's bedroom, was astonished to see the bedwas nicely made, and everything was picked up from the floor.Then, he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the pillow. 'Dear,Dad," the letter said. "It is with great regret and sorrow that I'mwriting to you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wantedto avoid a scene. I've been finding real passion with Stacy, and she isso nice, but I knew you would not approve of her, because of all herpiercings, tattoos, her tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she is somuch older than I am. But it's not only the passion, Dad. She'spregnant. Stacy says that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer inthe woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share adream of having many more children. Stacy has opened my eyes to the factthat marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it forourselves and trading it with the other people in the commune for allthe cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray thatscience will find a cure for AIDS, so Stacy can get better.
Don't worry Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself. Someday,I'm sure we'll be back to visit, so you can get to know your manygrandchildren.
Love, your son,
Joshua
P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Jason's house. I justwanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the schoolreport that's on the kitchen table.

Boy Aged 9 Breaks Record For Spoons-On-Face

Thus proving once and for all that boys are cleverer than girls.

Evolution of British maths teaching
1. Teaching Maths In 1970
A logger sells a truckload of timber for £100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit?

2. Teaching Maths In 1980
A logger sells a truckload of timber for £100. His cost of production is £80. What is his profit?

3. Teaching Maths In 1990
A logger sells a truckload of timber for £100. His cost of production is £80. Did he make a profit?

4. Teaching Maths In 2000
A logger sells a truckload of timber for £100. His cost of production is £80 and his profit is £20.
Your assignment: Underline the number 20.

5. Teaching Maths In 2008
A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the preservation of our woodlands.
He does this so he can make a profit of £20. What do you think of this way of making a living?

Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes? (There are no wrong answers. )

6 Teaching Maths 2018

أ المسجل تبيع حموله شاحنة من الخشب من اجل 100 دولار. صاحب تكلفة الانتاج من الثمن. ما هو

الربح له؟

A blonde, wanting to earn some extra money, decidedto hire herself out as a 'handy-woman' and started canvassing a nearbywell-to-do neighbourhood.
She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.
'Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch,' he said, 'How much will you charge me?' The blonde quickly responded, 'How about £50?' The man agreed and told her that the paint and everything she would need were in the garage.
The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, 'Does she realize that our porch goes all the way around the house?' He responded,'That's a bit cynical, isn't it?' The wife replied, 'You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those 'dumb blonde' jokes we've been getting by e-mail lately.'
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. 'You're finished already?' the husband asked.'Yes,' the blonde replied, 'and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats.'
Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the £50.00 and handed it to her.
'And by the way,' the blonde added, 'it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus.'

The Shroud of Turin, an ancient linen cloth believed to bear the image of Christ and considered by many clerics and devotees to be one of the holiest relics of the Christian faith, was inadvertently dyed a light shade of pink after being washed with a red T-shirt, sources reported Tuesday.

Correct!

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